Jumping Up and Down

Today is my birthday, and when my Mom called to wish me a Happy Birthday, she began to describe to me the details of the day I was born.  She said it was a beautiful day, and because there were no visitors permitted after I was born, my Dad brought my two sisters to the hospital and they stood on the lawn outside my Mom's room.  She came to the window with me in her arms, and she said that my sisters were jumping up and down.

Jumping up and down!

It got me thinking about Family again.  Broken families, dysfunctional or otherwise.  Good wholesome families too.  I think no matter what family you have, I believe that at one time or another there must have been some good ol' jumping up and down.

Today I have been thinking of my sister again, and the fact that I haven't seen or heard from her for nearly two years now.  If we saw each other on the street it would just be awkward now.

I have to wonder, why is it some people feel they don't belong in their own family?  Why is it they feel misplaced or misunderstood?  Putting it very simply, I think they just forgot the jumping up and down part.

She forgot.  And I forgot too for awhile...

I wish I knew when she might remember.

We'd all jump up and down.

Thoughts from my night in the Hallway

So I camped out in the hallway the other night.  I prepared a foamie and sleeping bag and everything.  I didn't bother getting into my pyjamas because I knew that I wouldn't be sleeping. 

The family was sick.  And by sick, I mean like really sick.  And by family, I mean like the whole family.

It started with the 2 year old throwing up, then moved on in a matter of hours to the 6 yr. old, then the 4 yr old, then the 12 yr. old, and finally the 37yr old.  More were to follow the next day.
God in His great wisdom protected me from this virus, so that I was ready to help everyone.  (It didn't feel like great wisdom at the time!) 

Anyway, the reason I think this is a story worth telling is because, it occured to me during that long night, that there is no preparing anyone for this.  People have told me often about various big decisions in life that they don't feel prepared for.  I myself have felt ill prepared for many things in my own life.  One might not be prepared to start a family, have another child, or change jobs.  And while I'm sure there are always some legitamate reasons for waiting on these things, I have learned that you will never be ready for a lot of it.

When the children began throwing up in the night, my husband and I switched into clean up mode....me running the shower for the kid, and Michael stripping the bedding and starting on laundry, my oldest daughter literally marveled at our expertise.  She had no idea we were so good at cleaning up puke!  I thought to myself, no one ever showed me.  No one ever told me what to do.  You just do it.  You just have to.

Isn't that what it's all about really?  When you bring a new baby into the world, you just do it.  You have everything you need.  You have milk, you have intincts. 

I don't know...maybe I'm still not functioning properly from being awake for two days.  But it just occured to me that in the end, after all the waiting and deciding we do in life; after all the worrying and second-guessing....in the end...we just do it.  We have it in us.  We are ready for anything.

Just Today's Thoughts

Today we were honoured to be invited to an infant baptism, and for me, this was a bitter-sweet experience as I was catapulted into a long, long list of memories baptizing my own children.

For this family, it was the third child being baptized.  For me, in my life, this same event was marked nearly 10 years ago.  I feel way too young to have this much history in my life.  Our youngest only being baptized 2 short years ago...I feel like I have packed in so much in the last 16 years of marriage.

But then...what greater gift?  I feel blessed to have experienced so much in so little time.

I want to shout out to these friends...Go for it!  Live Full-Out!!  You won't know how you do it.  Some days, you won't know how you are going to make it.  But the sun always sets, and rises again.  Another day has come and gone, and another day conquered and lived.

You will survive.

And the memories will be many...

Baptism of Josephine on St. Valentines Day 2010

A Cry in the Night

There is that moment, that moment when, as a parent you feel

helpless.

All the usual techniques of comforting a little one in the night don't work.  They don't want their own bed, they don't want mommy's bed.  Every little question whispered in the night is answered with a screaming, violent, "No!"
A voice in my head is saying:  "Wow.  In this moment I don't have the answer".

I'm supposed to have the answer.


In this instance, I held my upset daughter in my bed, and staring at the ceiling, I just waited.
I was there and I was waiting for her to realise it.  I don't know where the patience came from, because at times, I just wanted to scream too.  STOP CRYING!  PLEASE JUST STOP.
Eventually, she stopped, and slept through the night next to me.  Another episode in the night was survived.

While I was staring at the ceiling, it did get me thinking.  Thinking that I also have a parent.  I also scream and shout.  Something just hurts.  God is there for me, like a parent.  Waiting for me to realise that He is there for me.  He won't scream and shout.  He has unending patience for my outbursts.
I know this won't be the first time I think about God in my parenting.

In fact, I'm sure this is just the beginning.  

A Quiet Evening

I was beginning to think that I should leave blogging to the real bloggers of the blogging world.  The ones that actually blog!

I thought to myself, "just because I love to read other blogs, doesn't mean that I should be a blogger myself."  We can appreciate things, and enjoy them without doing it ourselves.   (Can we?)
Anyway, I'm back.  Back to write and think in my own little world.
The one little private space I have left...

Speaking of space, just today I ordered everyone out of my kitchen.  After they were long gone...literally running from a grouchy mamma, I was still yelling,  "I need some space!"  "Why are you all just standing around here?"  "Don't you have something you need to be doing?"  Poor two year old.  She was quickly saved by an older sibling who clearly understood that the little one did nothing wrong.  A two year old should be able to stand around with nothing to do right?

Thankfully, nobody was angry with me.  Everyone understood that Mom had a moment.  A collapsing kind of thing.  Mom kind of mentally collapsed....just soooo tired.
Someone asked me recently how we sleep, and for a moment I thought, "there was one year there where we had a good sleep, but the last 14 years or so haven't been great."

Better sleep would help, but I enjoy the peaceful evenings.  Everything is quiet, and I can escape to my last little private spaces.  Writing, reading, and connecting with my best friend and partner in this great adventure.

Looking up

There is a little boy in my house who just turned four.  He is a most curious little fellow.  He is ten years younger than his older brother, and very nearly worships his every move.

Only lately we have noticed that it has become more than a "just looking up to" kind of thing.  He has even begun to request being called by big brothers name.  And just today, I noticed that he keeps switching his stocking from his hook, on to big brothers stocking hook. Each stocking is hanging from a hook with a picture of the child, so Santa knows who's is who's.  Little brother is now big brother, so I think Santa is going to be rather confused.

Yes...this "looking up to" thing has reached a whole new level!

Short. Just Short.

I've been raising my voice a lot lately.  O.K....Yelling.
Flat out Y E L L I N G

At the kids. 
I always feel bad after.  I know it's not that productive.  But my nerves are short lately.

Kind of like my sentences.

I used to be so calm.  The kind of person who could have 20 kids jumping all over me and I would just politely say:  "Could you all get off me now please?"  Now,   I feel like saying....actually yelling... something much more inappropriate.

Of course I don't do this.  The inappropriate part. 
But I feel like it.
Lately, I feel like that all the time.

Is this a late thirties-mom thing that I'm not used to?  As we get older, do we lose our tempers more easily?
Is it hormones?
Stress?
The rain?

Anyway, this is my blogspot confession.  I haven't written anything in ages, so why not use it for some personal therapy?
Yet even as I type the words, I feel a sense of peace coming over me. 
I think I know why I'm yelling now, and it has nothing to do with age.

It has more to do with how much I need some quiet, meditative time with God. 
I don't think I'll yell as much after some time with Him.