A Cry in the Night

There is that moment, that moment when, as a parent you feel

helpless.

All the usual techniques of comforting a little one in the night don't work.  They don't want their own bed, they don't want mommy's bed.  Every little question whispered in the night is answered with a screaming, violent, "No!"
A voice in my head is saying:  "Wow.  In this moment I don't have the answer".

I'm supposed to have the answer.


In this instance, I held my upset daughter in my bed, and staring at the ceiling, I just waited.
I was there and I was waiting for her to realise it.  I don't know where the patience came from, because at times, I just wanted to scream too.  STOP CRYING!  PLEASE JUST STOP.
Eventually, she stopped, and slept through the night next to me.  Another episode in the night was survived.

While I was staring at the ceiling, it did get me thinking.  Thinking that I also have a parent.  I also scream and shout.  Something just hurts.  God is there for me, like a parent.  Waiting for me to realise that He is there for me.  He won't scream and shout.  He has unending patience for my outbursts.
I know this won't be the first time I think about God in my parenting.

In fact, I'm sure this is just the beginning.  

A Quiet Evening

I was beginning to think that I should leave blogging to the real bloggers of the blogging world.  The ones that actually blog!

I thought to myself, "just because I love to read other blogs, doesn't mean that I should be a blogger myself."  We can appreciate things, and enjoy them without doing it ourselves.   (Can we?)
Anyway, I'm back.  Back to write and think in my own little world.
The one little private space I have left...

Speaking of space, just today I ordered everyone out of my kitchen.  After they were long gone...literally running from a grouchy mamma, I was still yelling,  "I need some space!"  "Why are you all just standing around here?"  "Don't you have something you need to be doing?"  Poor two year old.  She was quickly saved by an older sibling who clearly understood that the little one did nothing wrong.  A two year old should be able to stand around with nothing to do right?

Thankfully, nobody was angry with me.  Everyone understood that Mom had a moment.  A collapsing kind of thing.  Mom kind of mentally collapsed....just soooo tired.
Someone asked me recently how we sleep, and for a moment I thought, "there was one year there where we had a good sleep, but the last 14 years or so haven't been great."

Better sleep would help, but I enjoy the peaceful evenings.  Everything is quiet, and I can escape to my last little private spaces.  Writing, reading, and connecting with my best friend and partner in this great adventure.