Looking up

There is a little boy in my house who just turned four.  He is a most curious little fellow.  He is ten years younger than his older brother, and very nearly worships his every move.

Only lately we have noticed that it has become more than a "just looking up to" kind of thing.  He has even begun to request being called by big brothers name.  And just today, I noticed that he keeps switching his stocking from his hook, on to big brothers stocking hook. Each stocking is hanging from a hook with a picture of the child, so Santa knows who's is who's.  Little brother is now big brother, so I think Santa is going to be rather confused.

Yes...this "looking up to" thing has reached a whole new level!

Short. Just Short.

I've been raising my voice a lot lately.  O.K....Yelling.
Flat out Y E L L I N G

At the kids. 
I always feel bad after.  I know it's not that productive.  But my nerves are short lately.

Kind of like my sentences.

I used to be so calm.  The kind of person who could have 20 kids jumping all over me and I would just politely say:  "Could you all get off me now please?"  Now,   I feel like saying....actually yelling... something much more inappropriate.

Of course I don't do this.  The inappropriate part. 
But I feel like it.
Lately, I feel like that all the time.

Is this a late thirties-mom thing that I'm not used to?  As we get older, do we lose our tempers more easily?
Is it hormones?
Stress?
The rain?

Anyway, this is my blogspot confession.  I haven't written anything in ages, so why not use it for some personal therapy?
Yet even as I type the words, I feel a sense of peace coming over me. 
I think I know why I'm yelling now, and it has nothing to do with age.

It has more to do with how much I need some quiet, meditative time with God. 
I don't think I'll yell as much after some time with Him.

Pray for Banana

We try to pray together as a family, in our living room, at the end of the day when we are all together.  The kids kneel down at the coffee table and we begin our "said prayers" and then end with a "Dear Lord Jesus...."

I love to watch and listen to the really little ones, struggling to keep up...murmuring the prayers the best they can, and sometimes doing it loudly to really "show off", and feel like big kids too.

It is a Catholic tradition to pray for the deceased, and so our kids pray for their "Grandpa who died, and Nana".  All of our older kids do this, and then break off into their own requests and (hopefully) gratitudes...

That is the best part.  The part where they break off into their own....

I especially loved the prayer of my five year old, when she asked that we would have a really happy life.
The following evening she asked that her family would always be together, and in her own words "would never break apart". 
But just last night, our three year old boy, who has prayed only for basketball, baseball, and mentioned every boy he knows and loves, well...he prayed for banana.

We just figured out....he is praying for the deceaced too.

Praying for Nana.

More than Enough

I have been asked some amazing questions over the years regarding our choice to have a "bigger-than-normal" family.  The most common inquiry is whether or not we will have more, followed by how patient we must be, or insane we must be.  I have often chuckled to myself after someone compliments me or my husband on our appearance upon learning that we have six children.  I think the expectation is that we are supposed to look like total crap!

The point is, we have tried to take this all in stride, and have a sense of humor about it.

Until yesterday.

Yesterday I was asked the most incredulous question of them all.  I was asked if I had enough love for all my children.  This woman was telling me how she didn't know after her first child, if she could really have enough love for another child.  She did have another child, and she said, "Of course I did have enough love for that child, but is it the same for five or six children?  Do you really have enough love for them all?"

I can't really remember anything after that.  The first thing that went through my head was how I was going to blog about this moment.  I must have smiled politely or something....I really didn't have anything to say, except something along the lines of how I loved them all, and they love each other so much too.

I have been asked if I have time for them all, but I have never been questioned on my love for more than the average amount of children.  My response is this.  I think I love them more.  I have had a child when I was a young adult myself, and my last baby was born when I was 34. I like to think that I have matured through those years, that I know more about life than I did when I was in my twenties.  I value life, health, family more.  I love more.  Care more.  Know a little more, and a little more....

I also believe that the love in our family is multiplied.  A child is not only loved by their parents, but by their older siblings who can lift them up for a cuddle, or help put on a bandaid.  There is always someone to look out for you in a big family, someone to talk to or play with.

While I know this all sounds a little flowery, I admit that the negative aspects of a big family are also multiplied.  More on that in a future blog.

For now, (and from now on) my response to some of the more surprising questions will be:
"There is more than enough love to go around."

You Get What You Get

Life is such a funny thing. 
One thing I've noticed about homeschooling is that my kids get to see me (and their Dad) at our worst more often than we would like.  Sometimes I dream of a day when I could be having a melt down, hide it well enough to get the kids out of the house, and then have my meltdown privately...

I remember one of my homeschooled nephews telling me when he was just a little boy, "Auntie  Daphne, when you have a big family you can forget about privacy and personal hygiene".  I never laughed so hard.  He was so right, and little did I know it at the time!  Privacy is quickly becoming a rare treat indeed.  As for hygiene...well, you try grabbing a shower around seven other people!

We have bad days...bad weeks.  Recently my husband and I have agreed this has been a bad MONTH.  I confided to him that I feel badly that we are sometimes not the best examples for our kids.  We show it when we are angry or hurt.  Showing a variety of feelings is a common occurance around here.  We can't hide it when we are not getting along. 
He laughed, shrugged his shoulders and said:  "You get what you get".  In other words, they got US.  His humour about the issue made me feel a whole lot better.

Yup, you get what you get.

9 Reasons I can Think of to Keep Homeschooling

I'M NOT SURE I SHOULD STILL BE HOMESCHOOLING WHEN....

1. I find my 18mth old walking around on the top bunk after I have removed the ladder and even moved a dresser in front of the climbing bars.

2. Other little ones have enjoyed cat food for a snack.

3. When reading a poem about "fall" and "apples" my five year old can't even hear me.

4. The printer won't work. Again.

5. After re-stocking all the school supplies, NOBODY can find a PENCIL.

6. Nobody can find an ERASER.

7. Nobody can find a RULER. Or a CALCULATOR. All of which we have in multiples of 13.

8. The printer is working! But there is no more ink.

9. Dinner (at lunchtime)  has miraculously been provided, with all the major food groups...and most of the family has the flu.

10. I need a shower because I'm beginning to look like Albert Einstein, and I'm the Mom.

11. We get to do it all again tomorrow.

A FEW REASONS WE ARE STILL HOMESCHOOLING....

1. My kids read. All the time. On the deck when the sun is shinning, or on the couch in front of the fire when it's raining.

2. They love to be home with each other, most of the time.

3. I get to see them learn new things, and see them help others in need of help.(usually me)

4. When school is finished, they are excited about dance, music, and everything else to do in the evening.

5. They love to write.

6. Albert Einstein, Abraham Lincoln, and C.S Lewis were homeschooled and they turned out ok.


7.  We have time to talk.


8. Impromptu trips to the beach with an impromptu picnic.

9. Impromptu lots of things.

I think tomorrow should be one of those days, with a coffee in hand.

A slice of tired pie

It's been that kind of a week. The kind of week where you wonder if you are going to make it through another year. This week I felt like I was just treading water... not really getting anywhere, not going backwards, just staying a float. Well...kind of.

I used to have a great attitude about times like this...I would think to myself, "this too shall pass" or "nothing is forever", knowing deep down that I won't always be doing what I am doing right now. (The un-fun stuff that is. The spilled milk, the spilled coffee, the tantrums, the colds, the coughs, the teething, the driving, and so on.)
In short, I used to be more positive.

I'm just tired. Anyway, one thing is for sure. I definately need to carve out that little something for me, otherwise I'm pretty sure I won't be much fun for anyone. What does one do? Schedule a bunch of solo mini-dates with myself? Pull out my violin?

P r a c t i c e?

I saw a pie-making class recently, that kind of appealed to me. I have never made pastry before, and I think if I could pull off some homemade pies, I might not only feel better...but I'll be a hero in my own house.

The possibilities are endless. I could master my craft and end up at the local farmers markets, then enter contests. This might be the thing I've been waiting for.

I am being a bit facetious, (yes, I'm tired) but do ask me about my pies in about a year.
Give me one year.